Dialectical Behavior Therapy: STOP Skill

What Is the STOP Skill?

STOP is a Distress Tolerance skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training Manual by Marsha M. Linehan.

It is designed for moments when emotions are intense and you feel the urge to react quickly — especially in ways that might make things worse.

STOP helps you interrupt automatic reactions so you can respond effectively instead of impulsively.

Why We Use STOP

When emotions surge, the brain shifts into survival mode (fight, flight, freeze). In that state:

• We react instead of respond

• We say things we don’t mean

• We make impulsive choices

• We escalate conflicts

• We engage in behaviors that create regret

STOP creates a pause button between feeling and action.

It helps you:

• Reduce emotional reactivity

• Prevent behaviors that don’t align with your values

• Protect relationships

• Increase self-control

• Choose effectiveness over intensity

STOP is not about suppressing emotions. It’s about creating space so your wise mind can come online.

The Steps of STOP

S — Stop

Do not move a muscle. Do not speak. Do not act.

Imagine a red stop sign in your mind. Freeze your body for a moment.

Even a 3–5 second pause can change the outcome.

T — Take a Step Back

Physically or mentally step back from the situation.

• Take a slow breath.

• Unclench your jaw.

• Put your phone down.

• Leave the room if needed.

• Remind yourself: “I don’t have to decide this right now.”

This step interrupts emotional momentum.

O — Observe

Notice what is happening:

• What am I feeling?

• What thoughts are showing up?

• What urges do I have?

• What is the other person doing?

• What are the facts vs. my interpretations?

You are gathering data — not judging it.

P — Proceed Mindfully

Now choose how to act.

Ask:

• What will be effective here?

• What action aligns with my long-term goals?

• What would Wise Mind choose?

• What will help, not harm, this situation?

Then act deliberately — not impulsively.

When to Use STOP

Use STOP when:

• You feel the urge to lash out

• You want to send an emotional text

• You feel overwhelmed

• You’re about to engage in a self-destructive behavior

• A conflict is escalating

• You feel shut down or dissociative

The more intense the emotion, the more important STOP becomes.

Important Reminders

• STOP is a short-term crisis skill, not a long-term solution.

• It buys time.

• It prevents damage.

• It creates space for Wise Mind.

• It may need to be used multiple times in the same situation.

You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to interrupt the autopilot.

A Simple Script to Remember

Stop. Breathe. Notice. Choose.