Dialectical Behavior Therapy: ACCEPTS Skills (Healthy Distraction)

If you know me, you know I am OBSESSED with Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills. I strongly believe the world would be a better place if we were all taught to us in school!

This week I want to share information about the ACCEPTS skills, which are a group of short-term distress tolerance skills. These skills can help you cope when emotions feel overwhelming and you need to get through the moment without making things worse.

These skills are about distraction with purpose - not avoidance forever, just creating enough space for your nervous system to settle. My rule of thumb is to never avoid something for longer than 8 hours. Now, let's break down the ACCEPTS acronym:

A - Activities: Do something that occupies your mind and body. Ask yourself what you can do for 10-20 minutes that will keep your hands and mind busy.

• Clean or organize a small space (a drawer, a shelf, etc)

• Go for a walk

• Do a puzzle

• Cook/bake

• Fold laundry

• Watch a show

• Listen to music

• Read a book

• Take a shower

• Practice mindfulness

• Cuddle with a pet

• Work on a hobby

• Color

• Video games (alone or with friends)

C - Contributing: Shift your focus by doing something kind or helpful. Ask yourself how you can add something positive to the world right now.

• Send a text to someone letting them know you're thinking of them

• Share a helpful resource on social media

• Write letters or cards to specific populations (Soldiers: https://amillionthanks.org/letter/ or Children in Hospitals: https://www.cardsforhospitalizedkids.com/)

• Donate items or time

• Check on a friend

• Make a care package for someone who is struggling

• Advocate for causes you are passionate about (change.org is a good place to look for petitions to sign)

• Support a local small business

• Thank someone for something they have done for you

• Do a small act of service (hold a door open for someone, "pay it forward" in the coffee line, etc.)

C - Comparisons: Change your perspective by remembering other times you have survived hard things. This is not about minimizing your pain - it's about remembering your resilience.

• Think about a time you got through something difficult

• Compare how you feel now to an even harder moment

• Remind yourself: "I've survived 100% of my worst days."

E - Emotions: Create a different emotion on purpose. Ask yourself what emotion would feel more helpful right now.

• Watch a funny video (old Vines, cute animal videos, etc.)

• Listen to music that shifts your mood

• Watch standup comedy (Nate Bargatze, Tig Notaro, Michelle Buteau, Wanda Sykes, Aziz Anasari, etc.)

• Scroll through memes

• Read something inspiring

• Listen to a podcast (We Can Do Hard Things, Armchair Expert, The Handsome Podcast, etc.)

• Look at photos (wedding photos, pictures of pets or children, etc.)

• Watch a scary movie if you need a different intensity

P - Pushing Away (Temporary): Mentally set the situation aside for now (no more than 8 hours). This is temporary. You are choosing when to deal with the issue.

• Visualize putting the problem in a box on a shelf

• Tell yourself: "I will come back to this at 7pm."

• Redirect your thoughts each time they return (Think of this as mental tennis)

• Physically shake the thought off of you

T - Thoughts: Fill your mind with something neutral or structured. The goal is to occupy your thinking brain so emotion has less room to spiral.

• Count backwards from 100 by 7s

• Identify an animal, store, or restaurant for every letter of the alphabet

• Do a crossword, word search, maze, or Sudoku

• Recite song lyrics

• Find everything in your environment of a certain color or shape

• Spell words backwards

S - Sensations: Use intense but safe physical sensations to interrupt emotional intensity. Strong physical sensations can help reset your nervous system.

• Hold an ice cube in your hand or mouth

• Splash cold water on your face

• Take a hot shower

• Chew strong gum

• Light a scented candle

• Use a weighted blanket