Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Toward Moves & Away Moves

This week I wanted to share an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) concept. It’s a simple framework called Toward Moves and Away Moves, and it can be a helpful way to understand what’s happening when you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or pulled in different directions.

What Are Toward and Away Moves?

In ACT, we understand that our behavior is constantly influenced by our inner world—our thoughts, emotions, urges, memories, and bodily sensations. These inner experiences can be uncomfortable at times, and when they show up, we usually respond in one of two ways:

Toward Moves

These are actions that move you toward your values: the qualities and directions in life that matter most to you.Toward moves often feel vulnerable, effortful, or emotionally uncomfortable in the short term, but they lead to greater meaning, connection, and satisfaction over time.

Examples of Toward Moves:

• Choosing to have an honest conversation because you value communication

• Taking a small step toward a long-term goal, even while self-doubt is present

• Approaching a difficult emotion (sadness, grief, fear) with openness instead of shutting down

• Making time for rest or creativity because you value well-being

• Reaching out for support when vulnerability aligns with your value of connection

• Setting a boundary that honors your needs, even if guilt shows up

Toward moves are rarely “easy,” but they are deeply aligned with who you want to be.

Away Moves

Away moves are actions we take to move away from uncomfortable internal experiences—anxiety, shame, memories, sensory overload, grief, or even physical sensations.

Away moves bring short-term relief, which is why they’re so tempting. But over time, they often pull us farther away from the life we want.

Examples of Away Moves:

• Avoiding a task or interaction because anxiety shows up

• Withdrawing from relationships when shame or fear of conflict arises

• Numbing with screens, food, substances, or overwork to escape feeling overwhelmed

• Trying to “fix,” suppress, or argue with uncomfortable thoughts

• Overthinking, catastrophizing, or problem-solving feelings instead of experiencing them

• Procrastinating, shutting down, zoning out, or disconnecting from your body

Away moves are normal and human—this is not about shame or judgment. They simply don’t move us toward our values in the long run.

Why This Matters

The goal isn’t to stop having difficult thoughts or feelings. Human beings don’t get to control that part. Instead, ACT teaches us to build psychological flexibility: the ability to feel what we feel and still choose actions that matter to us.

Learning to notice toward and away moves helps you:

• Understand why you sometimes feel stuck or disconnected

• Recognize patterns of avoidance that keep you from progress

• Make room for emotions instead of battling them

• Take values-aligned action even when it’s hard

• Build a life that feels richer, more meaningful, and more authentically yours

This framework helps us shift from “How do I make this feeling go away?” to “Given that this feeling is here, what’s one small step I can take toward my values?”

A Few Helpful Reflection Questions

These can guide you when you feel overwhelmed or unsure what to do next:

• Is the choice I’m about to make moving me toward the life I want—or away from discomfort?

• What value do I want to show up for in this situation?

• If I weren’t trying to get rid of this feeling, what would I choose to do?

• What’s one small, doable toward move I could make right now?